God, what of the days when my heart aches worse than my greatest physical pains? Will You still be there? Will You show up to comfort me?
I don’t understand why I have to go through this, God. I KNOW Your plans are better, but it’s hard to see that in these moments. I’m hurting because I don’t know how to lead like You. I so deeply want to avoid hurting this person, but something has to be addressed (and firmly). If You were here, what would You do?
If I let this go, then it will only get worse; I know that. But if I shoot straight, I’ll hurt them more than I want. I don’t desire to harm anyone! You know this God! So, why have you put me here?
I really hate this! Disunity, lack of peace, lack of joy. Why, God? Will you please redeem this? Turn it into joy and life? You’re good; I know that! But I don’t understand why sometimes. What purpose is there in this pain?
The pain tries to divide me against myself and You. Sometimes it succeeds, and I hate that!! I want to be fully Yours, God! I need You to be my source! Please help me! Come to rescue me!
Please. I beg of You. This hurts and I’m weak. I don’t think I can bear it….
And maybe that’s the point: to remind me to rely on You. And to re-reveal where I find my life.
Okay, God. I give up. This can’t be my battle alone. I’m not going to fight. Lead me. Clear my head of my sinful self and let me see as You do.
Be my deep well-spring: providing flowing water in dry places. Be my front guard: leading and fighting on my behalf. Be my heart: pulsing life into my body. Be Lord: the one to and from Whom all things flow. Thank You! Time to roll.
(Woah! Side thought: God, do I treat You like this person is treating me? Like You aren’t my authority when You really are? Like I lead my own life? Sobering and humbling thought… Time to ponder that one.)
(And thank You for music. That and talking with You revive my spirit more than anything. So, yeah. Thank YOU!)